Why slowing down is so hard, and how we can do more of it
[10-minute read]
If you’re a high performer like me, you’ve probably laughed at the idea of slowing down or doing one thing at a time at some point in your life. You probably have systems that help you get sh*t done, as efficiently as possible, so you can accomplish as many things as possible and feel good about it. You might even consider yourself a people-pleaser (I know I did).
As a high performer I have always been rewarded for my achievements, whether it was at school, with sport, or simply doing chores around the house. This wired my brain to believe that this was the only way to do things. As life went on, striving for success, setting goals, and accomplishing them was one of my main driving forces. It motivated me, and it helped me believe that I was worthy, and that my accomplishment made me more valuable and liked.
Fast forward to post-graduation and trying to continue to perform in everything and anything - compete in sport, build a business, find new clients, land new contracts, create new programs and workshops, stay on top of my meal prep game, oh and take care of current clients…with a sprinkle of over training.
You can guess what happened next. But why would I slow down if this pace has worked for me for my whole life? Oh ya, I’m not in my 20s anymore and guess what, this hustle culture is not sustainable. Were there signs? Heck yes, but I didn’t listen to them. I hurt my lower back multiple times not just from overtraining, but from all the accumulated stress my body and mind was getting from all the other little worries I mentioned above. Whether we feel it or not, our bodies keep the score and we are not machines.
So what did it take for me to finally slow down? There are a few moments that I can pinpoint that lead me to where I am today. Before getting pregnant in 2022, I was actually out from lifting for 3 months because of the worst back injury to date. At that moment I was frustrated, and knew I had to do something different - be smarter about recovery. As for the mental side, I remember in the fall of 2021 feeling so anxious and burnt out that I couldn’t fall asleep, I would get panic attacks just preparing for workshops…I was in my head all the time and spiraling fast. It took my doctor to write me a referral letter for anxiety meds for my lightbulb to go on. There was no way I was taking meds because I knew it was all in my head - putting pressure on myself to perform all the time, and be perfect. I was quickly able to do a 360 from both of these situations, but only when it was ‘too late’. Why do we always wait to hit a wall in order to change something? Let me tell you - because we don’t know what we don’t know! Again, why would I change my rhythm and way of doing things if it’s worked for me all this time? Well now I’m getting older and now I have a 1-year old daughter, and guess what - I don’t have the mental energy to be perfect at a million things anymore. I’m learning to let go because I’m beginning to understand that there’s a time and place for everything, and now is not the time for me to be a hero in that way. I also trust that when it’s time to change the pace, that I am able to do just that, because guess what… that’s how I’ve been wired for so long.
What’s interesting is that as I continue to work with other high-performers, I see the same tendencies. It seems that my coaching these days has steered away from mindset practices to peak performance, into mindset practices to help slow down so you can perform (hence the creation of Innerpace).
Again, I understand that a certain pace has probably gotten you to where you are now (I know it’s helped me), but can you truly say that this is a speed you can keep going on forever? This “Go-go-go” way of living is not sustainable and can cause burnout, injuries, feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, and can literally put your sympathetic nervous system on overdrive. Not sure what that is? Basically it’s your fight-or-flight system that helps you steer away from danger (ie: perceived stress or a tiger running towards you), and when it’s switched on all the time, it can do huge damage to your body in the long-term.
Based on my experience working with others, and my own challenges, here are some things to consider if you want to start slowing down:
1. Literally slow down
I think every high performer I know goes from point A to B via speed walking. Yes, I did too. This is a practice that might seem silly, but can be so powerful. Notice when you’re rushing, and choose to slow down your steps. Changing the pace of how you walk will tell your body and brain to slow down, helping you practice presence at the same time.
Another way to help you change your pace is through yoga, specifically more of a yin yoga practice that offers slower movements. I like to do 10-30 minutes of yoga either in the morning or in the middle of my day, to force myself to stop what I’m doing, and practice presence in my body, and stillness in my mind.
2. Reflection on what best serves you in the moment
Ask yourself why are you at this pace? Is it even necessary? Is your anxiety causing this? What are you actually scared of? This concept was brought to my attention after listening to my Leadership coaches on their podcast episode, “Is it your intuition, or your anxiety?”. I’ll let you listen to it, but essentially what they were saying is that a lot of the time, we tend to act on anxiety instead of intuition. I want you to tap more into your intuition (your gut feeling), and take the time to really think and reflect on what would best serve you in moments where you might be pushing your limits, or rushing or multi-tasking.. Are you doing this out of habit? Why? Can you stop for a second and think of a better way of approaching what you're doing? I guarantee you, on most occasions you can probably find a better way of doing what you're doing by slowing down, clearing your head, and attacking whatever you need to do with more intention instead of fear. When it comes to my work, I have to practice catching myself in the moment and remind myself that “It doesn’t have to be perfect”, “This is good enough”, and I trust that what I am doing will be fine (because I’ve been doing this for so long). Letting go of the fear of judgment or making mistakes is a hard one, but one that is more useful in my day-to-day.
3. Set boundaries
This is one practice that was definitely hard, but one that helped me protect my own energy so that I could show up as my best for others. Learning to say “No”, is just the beginning. Keeping in mind that I work for myself, here are some other ways I set boundaries in order to slow down:
Setting a hard stop at the end of the day
Allowing myself to have a break during the day
Setting limitations of how many clients I see every day and week
Refusing to travel all over town all week
4. Adjusting your pace and rhythm
There is a time and place for everything. Of course there will be moment where we might be in a crunch, or have to multi-task, or do something last minute, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. It’s hard to slow down, especially if you’re not used to it. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s well worth it. What helps motivate me to stop and slow down is remembering how good it feels during and after. I also remind myself that the moment I take to slow down, will help me tackle the next thing with more focus and clarity. If we practice to simply start noticing what pace we are at, and what paces are useful, we can then become better at adjusting our speed and finding a rhythm that is more sustainable, and that feels good.
