Embracing the suck and not giving a F***
[3-minute read]
I work with several varsity athletes, and a common challenge that keeps coming up in sessions is how to manage being a first year, or a rookie. Now, you don’t have to play sports to understand the ups and downs that come with being new to something. I remember when I first started Olympic weightlifting, I cried in my car after each session for about 3 months because it sucked to suck. As someone who considered themselves an athlete, I had very high expectations for myself when I decided to try something new. I remember not wanting to make a mistake, or comparing myself to the people around me who had years of experience over me. I would expect to get things on the first try, and get frustrated when I wasn’t able to. I was used to being good at the sports I spent years practicing, so it was natural when I would tell myself that I should be able to get certain technical movements, even if it was only the 10th time I touched the barbell.
When I was able to shift my mindset and accept that the challenges and failures were part of the process, I started to have more fun. I started to focus on my progress, instead of comparing it to the people around me. Instead of being scared to mess up, I started to get excited about how each failed lift would teach me something to make me a little bit better. As cliché as it may sound, trusting the process was something that helped me have more fun. Letting go of expectations I had to perform perfectly created the space I needed to be more present, which in turn actually helped me perform better without even having to think about it.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. I remember worrying about what other people were thinking and saying about me. This happened to me the first months I spent practicing yoga, and it continues to happen to me now as a new mom. I’ve learned to understand and accept that there will always be someone out there who judges me. The more I let those thoughts consume me, the less energy I have to use to get better. Practicing letting go of those thoughts is a lifetime effort, but man does it feel good to stop caring what people think (most of the time). I’m sure you can understand how draining it can be to constantly worry about what other people might think. Imagine being able to channel all that energy to YOU and the thing you want to learn instead!?
What’s important to remember is that there is a difference in the mindset we want to cultivate when we are learning something, versus when we are practicing a learned skill. Whether you’re a first year on a team, training for your first marathon, just started lifting at the gym, becoming a new parent, or simply learning how to cook, it’s important to:
Stop seeing mistakes and setbacks as failures
Start recognizing your progress and wins to build confidence and motivation to continueStop setting unrealistic expectations and comparing yourself to others
Start surrounding yourself with people who support your new venture
Stop focusing on solely your performance and the results
Start highlighting the importance of your effort and persistence
Stop seeking perfection and validation
Start setting realistic goals that you can accomplish
Stop judging yourself
Start being curious about how you can show up
Stop trying to rush results
Start practicing patience
It is definitely a conscious effort to be able to cultivate a mindset that embraces setbacks and challenges as an opportunity to learn and grow. Psychologist Carol Dweck calls this way of thinking, a Growth Mindset. People that adopt this mindset are:
less afraid of failure, which in turn can lead to a more relaxed and focused mindset during high pressure situations
more resilient and bounce back from mistakes much faster
able to push themselves out of their comfort zone which can lead to improvement in skills, and higher self-esteem
motivated to continuously get better and foster a strong work ethic
better equipped to handle pressure, stress, and adversity because they believe in their ability to adapt and overcome challenges
more likely to succeed long-term because they foster a lifelong love for learning and personal development that extends outside the performance domain
There will be moments that make or break you. Being able to shift my mindset after those first 3 months of Olympic weightlifting led me to continue to practice the sport to this day, 5 years later. Letting go of what other people thought of me on the yoga mat helped me embrace the practice as a tool to help me recover and relax. Understanding that there will always be someone who judges me, helps me show up as the mom I want to be with confidence.
At the end of the day you have two choices: to continue the downward spiral of judgment and negative self-talk that will probably have you stopping or hating the new venture, or to practice shifting your mindset to one that will actually help you have fun learning and practicing something new.
The choice is yours!
