Using a curious mindset to help let go of pressure
[10-minute read]
Hey you know what’s fun, being able to let go of pressure. Last week I signed up for a half marathon, and reached out to a coach to make me a program. I was told to first do a 10km Time Trial (TT), which initially made me feel very nervous. This would be my first “test” postpartum, and I immediately started to think about how fast I should run it, and doubted if my legs and feet could even carry me that far without getting hurt or feeling discomfort.
As a high-performer I put pressure on myself to perform well all the time, without necessarily considering the reality of things. When I fall into that trap, my mind can get filled with anxiety, stress and fear, instead of excitement. Speaking with other athletes and high-performers, I know for sure I am not alone here, and you might find yourself in these situations as well.
We are our own worst critic, and putting pressure on myself for this 10km TT would mean I would most likely get stuck in fear for the entire run. Fear of not being able to run that distance, fear of the possibility of getting hurt, fear of being slow, fear of not being where I should be. That doesn’t sound fun at all.
As someone who has practiced mindfulness and meditation for a while now, the concept of cultivating a curious mindset comes naturally to me, but is still an effort to lean into. I’m sure you’ve seen an infant look at new toys and food in such awe, in such curiosity. They are so good at this - being able to just see things for what they are, without any judgement or expectation, because well, they don’t know any better. As we grow older, we live through experiences and cultivate beliefs that may or may not help how we go about our day to day lives. In my case, it’s putting pressure on myself to perform well (dare I say, perfectly?) because I’ve been so good at it all my life, and because I get rewarded for it (in school, on the court, on the field, at work…). I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, but this leads to the belief that if I don’t perform well, then I am not worthy or good enough. You can see how this belief makes it easy for me to put pressure on myself for little things like a training session, giving a talk to a group of people, or this 10km TT.
Okay reality check - the goal of this time trial is just to evaluate, and not test how fast I can run 10km. Reframing that was key for me. It helped me get excited to see where I’m at, and it helped me remind myself that it can only keep getting better from here.
Another reminder: I knew that comparing my pace to 2 years ago was just not fair. In this moment in time I’m a completely different person who is living in a different body, and who has different experiences and knowledge than I did 2 years ago, so why would I even compare?
In addition, being intentional about having a curious mindset before starting the run was so important for me in order to get somewhat excited. Instead of putting pressure on myself to perform, and probably set unrealistic expectations, I decided to shift my mindset and just see how I could show up. I could have easily told myself that I should run a certain pace, or finish in a certain amount of time. Instead I also chose to focus on how I want to feel through the whole run. I was told it should feel comfortably hard, so that was my goal. With that said, I don’t want to skip over the fact that there is a time and place for pressure, and that there are ways to manage pressure and still perform! I just didn’t need to do that for this…
Instead of checking my watch all the time and expecting to be at a certain pace, I chose to only check-in with my heart rate a few times to make sure I wasn’t pushing too hard. Pulling my sleeve over my watch face was something I chose to do, to help me stay focused on feeling, and help me find a rhythm with my running and breathing where I could start to build trust with my body, versus depending on the watch.
Guess what, I had FUN. There were times that I felt a bit tired, and wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but I always came back to making sure it felt comfortably hard (even if it means slowing down), and reminding myself that this is simply an evaluation. From there I got excited again because I was so curious to see what the final result would be, and how I could continue to show up for the rest of the run. When thoughts came in about how much time or distance was left, I got out of my head and into my body by listening to the rhythm of my footsteps and breathing.
By staying curious, and having my anchors and intentions set up beforehand, it helped me enjoy the evaluation which could have been seen as a test, one that I probably would have been stuck in doubt, and fear for way longer.
All that to say, being able to let go of pressure does not happen overnight. There is no specific tool or strategy. From my personal experience, and working with others, putting pressure on oneself is usually a big part of someone’s identity - something we do in order to get a certain outcome that makes us more worthy. There is a time and place for it, but when it leads to fear and destroys confidence, it’s not helpful.
Now you might be thinking, “This is nice, but how do I apply it to an actual high-pressure situation like a race or a test?”. Guess what, the same exact way. Coming back to your why, process goals and intentions are equally as powerful in these situations (if not more), versus worrying too much about the outcome. Feeling pressure is a privilege they say. It’s the perspective that feeling pressure often accompanies significant opportunities, responsibilities, or challenges. When you feel pressure (whether perceived or real), it may mean that you’re entrusted with a task that holds significance, or you’re in a position where your actions and decisions matter - lucky you! This is an opportunity for you to reframe the challenge as an opportunity for growth and accomplishment. By bringing in that curious mindset about how you can show up (and not what the result might be), it redirects energy and thoughts to help you move forward instead of getting stuck in the worry, doubt and fear that commonly accompany pressure.
Imagine a world where you feel confident and excited, instead of worried and anxious from the pressures that you put on yourself to perform. A world where you can show up and give that presentation, play in that tournament, race in that competition, and actually have fun. You know that making mistakes is part of learning, and you get excited when it happens because you know there will always be a lesson that follows. There is no magic trick for this, but what can be helpful is to start challenging the way you think, as well as your beliefs. Zoom out, and see the bigger picture.
Here are 4 tips that can help you achieve this:
1) Practice mindfulness and meditation:
With only a few minutes of mindfulness or meditation a day, you can learn to train your brain to be in the present and cultivate a curious mindset - one that is more accepting, and less judgemental. Instead of worrying about the future (outcomes) or past, this practice can help you focus back to the present much faster.
2) Reframe negative thoughts:
By identifying and reframing thoughts that lead to pressure, you can learn to replace self-doubt and fear with positive and constructive self-talk that will help you move forward. By changing the narrative, you can develop a more curious and optimistic mindset that helps you view challenges as opportunities for growth instead of threats.
3) Set process-oriented goals:
When you can shift your focus from the outcome to the process, you’ll feel more in control and have more fun. It’s a way to stay curious about your own development, and cultivate a mindset that values the learning process. Remember we only control 3 things: our attitude, concentration, and effort. By setting realistic process goals or intentions, you can be sure that you will accomplish them, feeding into your confidence and overall performance.
4) Embrace a growth mindset:
Your abilities are malleable and believing that you have the capacity to develop through effort and learning is key to helping you let go of all that pressure you put on yourself to show up perfectly all the time. The greatest athletes and performers have gone through challenges too, but they choose to embrace curiosity, explore different strategies, and persist in the face of setbacks instead of getting stuck in fear, guilt, and doubt.
Don’t get me wrong, these things take time. You’ve been thinking a certain way for most of your life, so changing that will take a lot of patience and effort, but trust me - it’s worth it. I encourage you to challenge the way you’ve been thinking, or to challenge someone else!
If you need some support, I’m here for you!
